Stop People Pleasing: And Find Your Power

 

Stop People Pleasing: And Find Your Power is an interesting and enlightening self-help manual by life coach Hailey Magee for folks who have a tendency to support and help others always, even at the cost of their own well-being. Released 14th May 2024 by Simon & Schuster, it's 352 pages and is available in hardcover, audio, and ebook formats. It's worth noting that the ebook format has a handy interactive table of contents as well as interactive links and references throughout. 

This is an in-depth workbook full of deep and meaningful discussions on trauma behaviors, "people pleasing" - what it is (and isn't), how it happens, how it gets deeply imbedded in our personalities, how to recognize the difference between kindness and empathy (positive attributes) and people pleasing (generally negative/harmful).

The author has an accessible and understandable non-judgemental style of writing, and readers are gently drawn along. There is apparently no "magic bullet" to replace doing the work involved in changing these deep seated behaviors... but for those who are interested in learning how to set boundaries and how to be kind and supportive without it coming at a prohibitive cost to our well being, there is a lot of valuable info contained here.

The book is divided into four sections: Finding ourselves, Standing up for ourselves, Taking care of ourselves, and Enriching ourselves. Each section builds on the ones before -  from defining what people pleasing is and how it becomes such an ingrained part of our personalities, through setting boundaries and re-discovering the real joy of kindness and giving without hurting ourselves doing it. 

There is frank discussion throughout the book on trauma (psychological and sexual), healing, guilt, anger, and a lot of negative emotion. It was quite painful to read in places. 

Although it's written in layman accessible language, it is well annotated throughout, and the chapter notes will provide lots of resources for further reading. 

Four and a half stars. This book has a lot of salient, useful information for readers who are interested in discontinuing the pattern of making themselves smaller and not taking up space, and who tend to sublimate their own needs and desires in order to always defer to others.

 Disclosure: I received an ARC at no cost from the author/publisher for review purposes.